Living Under Someone Else's Expectations

A reflection on silence, people-pleasing, identity loss, and the awakening of becoming who God formed me to be.

For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? Galatians 1:10, KJV

It wasn't until I was knocked down and dragged out by life that I realized I didn't know who I was. My life had been a compilation of fitting into a mold of what was acceptable for other people. The silence that hurt my throat. The body dysmorphia. The fake hair, because he liked it long.

I never had a voice. I took on the pain of others. People pleasing was my mantra. I needed validation. I needed to be loved. I couldn't say no, and I wouldn't, because what if he left me, or What if the people I had convinced myself I could not lose no longer liked me?

I lived for others and not myself. On paper I was a successful corporate leader. I played the part well. Until I didn't.

Waking up to the reality that I had never made an original thought was earth shattering. I couldn't even decide what to make for dinner, because what if he didn't like that option. I was quiet and meek. And meekness is a good trait in the Bible, but not when my identity is the price.

The awakening was something I didn't plan. I can't pinpoint how it started. But I started to change. With each heartache, with each pain, my identity began to emerge.

I had strength I didn't know I had. I had a voice I could hear. My throat no longer burns from swallowing the words I wanted to say. I could move forward knowing I don't need validation to breathe.

This version of me is not only a wake-up call for myself. It's also for the people who have a version of me burned into their memory. The version that conformed. The version that accepted things as-is and never called out the injustices, the lies, the deceit. The wool has been lifted from my eyes.

I have a voice. And even if it trembles, I can still use it, because my identity is not to make others comfortable. I cannot in good conscience quiet my identity, because my identity is purpose. My identity is breakthrough. My identity is deliverance. My identity is obedience. My identity is my calling.

In life, we make many choices. One of my most powerful was discovering who I am. That scared little girl carries a powerhouse of an identity. A heart as big as the universe. A voice as strong as the ocean. A smile as bright as the moon. A fire that refuses to dim.

Living under someone else's expectations is a thing of the past. The caterpillar was always meant to become a butterfly. I am not becoming who people preferred me to be.  I am becoming who God created me to be.

A Thought to Sit With

Living under someone else’s expectations can become so familiar that it feels normal. But there comes a point when God begins to uncover what fear, approval, rejection, and survival taught you to bury.

1. Where have you learned to shrink in order to keep others comfortable?

2. What part of your voice have you silenced to keep approval?

3. What would it look like to become who God formed you to be, not who others preferred?

Heavenly Father, thank you for breaking me in areas where I lived for validation from others. Thanks for healing my fear of rejection, and people pleasing. Thanks for letting me know, that even if others reject me, you won't because I am made wonderfully in your image.

Continue Reading

Read more reflections in Between the Lines with Camiel and explore faith-rooted resources for restoration, identity, stewardship, and a way forward.

Read More Reflections